Remember there's one post when i was talking about how it ain't easy to look at things positively. It is just not that simple. Its like you tell yourself that it is ok and you should just get over it but when the real thing hits you, it is just so difficult to get over it. Just so...

I guess it just happened to me again. This time is worst. Randy Puasch once said that the brickwalls are there to stop us from what we want but shows our determination when we want it more. This time, i think i may have come or stumble on my greatest brickwall. Be it love, studies and just the way of life. I guess that is what i will be talking about. It hitted me hard.

I don't know about yo guys but i am actually depressed. My love life just seem so dull. I don't know. Remember the post when i talk about people saying that you are good and worth but when you confess or admit, they just come up with plenty of reasons to reject you in a very nice and innocent manner. Take for example, DPA, Te do rejections in a very polite manner but in actual fact, they need to say was, "You aren't good enough for our course and your write up isn't what we want, so just go FUCK off and continue working hard. All the best in your studies. Its pretty irritating that they say things like that. Same goes for humans. When they do not want you, they could have just say fuck off and die.

The next is also damn shit. I swear. It feels damn shit when you work so hard for something and when the day comes, you just can't come out with anything. Its not being blackout but you have the idea and answers in your mind but you just can't seem to speak or get them out. That's worst then being blackout. The answer and marks are just a pen or a mouth away and you just can't seem to get it out. That is pure shit! How would you like to feel that? Blackout is bad enough so try doubling the feeling of blackout and you'll get what i mean. Shit!

Finally, the hardest in total is being positive every time and for everything. You know when people say that you have to stay positive throughout in order to keep your dreams alive? I am starting to think that that is pure bull shit. Staying positive for me just makes the hit harder when it just appear to my eyes. Some of you may just think that i am not opened to ideas and comments but look, your friend tells you that you are fine! There ain't any problem with me (from how i access myself from Randy Pausch) but why is all this happening to me? That's the crazy part. It seems like i don't have control over the things that i am positive about and the only things that turns out well when i am positive is when i have it in my hands. The things i don't have control about just hits me back hard. Positive thinking there but a stupid negative hit back. BIG SMACK TO THE FACE. It is damn pain. Just don't feel like doing anything but ...

Overall, worst of the hardest is when all these happen at once. Studies, love and life. Studies is going down with the exams you need to score and where you don't want just a pass, love where you just seem so empty without and finally, the life that you just don't seemed filled. All at once, hitting you hard. Ain't easy to recover from. That's where i am now. Seem normal on the outside but inside, PURE SHIT!

Tags: Hai suel itta??? I doubt so.